Last Friday, as I smoked the now third cigarette of my existence in a crowded bar, I came to a realization. Two years ago, I could easily define myself: I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I do not do drugs. I’ve now broken every one of those rules. I could also easily define myself in other ways: overachiever, nerd, rational, introverted, focused on what I wanted in life and getting there. In many ways, I craved to be the person I am now: social, outgoing, spontaneous, irrational, bent on enjoying life. Now, as I’m seeing my life, or rather what I always felt my life should be, crumbling around me, I want to go back to being the person I was two years ago. I used to love classic literature, now I read nothing but fun and trashy novels. I used to thrive on art, now I rush through museums. I used to care about my schoolwork, perhaps obsessively so, and now I feel that everything I ever worked for is coming apart and it’s my own fault. Yes, these are not the hallmarks of my life, and I’m glad that I am no longer entirely the person I was, and that I no longer define myself through my academics. But I’ve grown to care too much for living in the moment. In many ways, these two months in Geneva, as well as this blog, will be a fresh start. My attempts to make amends, to become refocused, to try to find a balance in life. And where better to do this, for as I have learned today, there are no distractions in Geneva. So stay tuned for my adventures- for knowing me, despite my best intentions, I will still manage to get into many scrapes-, my musings, and my hopeful growth as an individual as I navigate the halls of the United Nations.
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